Internet Terminology. Some folks don’t get it.

Some folks around the world are still coming to grips with the Internet terminology. Below are 32 phrases that have some country folk baffled.

1. Log On:          Adding wood to make the camp-fire hotter.

2. Log Off:        Pulling a half burnt log out of the fire.

3. Monitor:        Keeping an eye on the BBQ.

4. Download:     Getting the fire-wood from the back of the pick-up.

5. Hard Drive:  Driving home after you’ve run out of cold beers.

6. Keyboard:    Where you hang the pick-up’s keys.

7. Window:    What you shut when the weather’s bad.

8. Screen:    What you close to stop mosquitos

9. Byte:        What mosquitos do if they land on ya.

10. Megabyte:   What big fucking mosquitos do if they land on ya.

11. Chip:        Something you eat while sipping beer.

12. Microchip: What’s left in the bottom of the bag after you’ve eaten the chips. 

13. Modem:    What you did to the lawns last Saturday afternoon.

14. Laptop:    Where the cat sleeps.

15. Software:    Plastic knives, forks and cups you can buy at Seven-11.

16. Hardware:    Stainless steel knives and forks, from K-mart

17. Mouse:        The small rodent that eats the corn stored in the shed.

18. Mainframe:    What holds up your house.

19. Web:        What spiders make.

20. Wedsite:    Usually in the garage, under the house and on the veranda.

21. Search Engine:    What you do when the truck won’t start.

22. Cursor:        What you say when the truck won’t start.

23. Yahoo!:    What you say when the truck finally starts.

24. Upgrade:    A steep hill.

25. Server:    Another name for the bartender at the local bar.

26. Mail Server:    A guy that gives you drinks at the local bar.

27. User:    A neighbor that keeps borrowing things from your house.

28. Network:    What you do when there’s a hole in the fishing net.

29. Internet:    Where you want the fish to swim.

30. Netscape:    What the fish do, if there’s a hole in the net.

31. Online:        Where you hang your laundry

32. Offline:    What happens to the laundry in a strong wind.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. cupcakeswithfish
    Feb 18, 2010 @ 13:55:27

    Very funny! My favorite is “modem”; that’s how we saw it in the south.


  2. Betty Chatterjee
    Feb 19, 2010 @ 07:57:06

    If someone ever invents a time-machine and people from say the 1950’s visited us in the 21st century, they would have a major language problem…..Very amusing blog, Ian. 🙂


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